No one prepares you for one of the hardest parts of modern-day parenting … feeding your children. It usually starts out great. You get to introduce your 6-month-old to foods and learn more about what your baby likes and dislikes. Whether it’s through baby-led weaning or starting with purees, food can be fun! But then anywhere between 18 months and three years, your child who willingly ate almost anything refuses even their most favorite foods. As frustrating as this can be, it’s also a normal part of early childhood development. We’ll dive into some of the science behind picky eating as well as strategies that can help you in the long run.
The Why Behind Picky Eating
Around the age of 18 months, children start to experience significant developmental changes. They’re learning to assert their independence and explore the world around them, which often includes wanting more control over their food choices. This isn’t about defiance — it’s about testing boundaries and establishing their own sense of autonomy. Just like they might say “no” to putting on shoes or going to bed, they’re also discovering they can say “no” to certain foods.
Another thing to keep in mind is that your child’s taste buds and sensory system are still developing. Foods with strong flavors, unfamiliar textures or new appearances might feel overwhelming to them. And your child’s natural response to say “no” is a form of self-protection. This cautious approach toward trying new foods — called neophobia — is a normal developmental stage that likely evolved to protect little ones as they learned which foods were safe to eat.
Additionally, during this time frame, your toddler’s growth rate slows significantly, which means their calorie needs aren’t as high as they were during infancy. As a result, their appetite might decrease, making them seem pickier. Remember, their stomach is about the size of their fist.
Strategies to Help Picky Eaters
Play with Their Food
Sensory food play helps children become familiar with how foods look, feel and smell before they’re expected to taste them. Letting your child explore food with their other senses by squishing, poking or building makes those foods feel less intimidating.
As your child investigates food with their senses ask them to describe the color, texture and smell. Show them an avocado (peeled and unpeeled) to see how it changes. Have them compare the squishiness of a strawberry versus a carrot (cooked or raw). Not only is this fun, but it also allows children to get comfortable with foods at their own pace. Encourage them to get curious. Build with celery sticks or paint with potatoes to make food exploration fun.
Use Gentle, Repeated Exposure
Introducing new foods doesn’t mean expecting your child to eat them right away. Repeated exposure — 15 times or more — is key. The trick is to offer new foods consistently, without pressuring your child to eat them. This could be as simple as having a small portion of new food on their plate alongside a familiar one or letting your child help you prepare and cook dinner. If your child gets upset at the sight of the new food, remind them that they don’t need to eat it.
This kind of gentle exposure gives children the chance to really explore food. Over time, they will go from looking at it to touching, smelling and tasting it when they’re ready. Each step counts as important progress!
Respect Their Appetite and Autonomy
Children are incredibly in tune with their bodies and can usually tell when they’re hungry or full. Trust their natural hunger cues by offering a variety of foods at mealtimes but letting them decide how much to eat. Forcing them to eat more or clean their plate can create a negative association with eating, disrupt their hunger cues and lead to mealtime power struggles.
Instead, create a relaxed environment where your child feels safe to explore and experiment. You can say things like, “It’s okay if you’re not ready to eat this right now. Maybe next time!” This helps your child build confidence and trust in themselves and their relationship with food.
Make Food Look Fun
Sometimes the key to encouraging a picky eater is all in the presentation! Simple tweaks like serving fruits and veggies in fun shapes or adding sprinkles (rainbow sprinkles or savory ones like chia seeds) to things like yogurt can make new foods more approachable. Your little one may also enjoy dipping their foods, try serving hummus, ketchup or honey alongside meals to see what piques their interest.
Model Positive Eating Behaviors
Children learn a lot by watching what the adults around them do. Try eating meals together as a family whenever possible. When your child sees you enjoying a variety of foods, it may help them feel more adventurous.
As you’re eating, instead of making comments like, “You’ll like this,” which may feel like pressure, you can say things like, “Mmm, I really love the crunchiness of these peppers!” Descriptive comments about different attributes (texture, color, smell, etc.) give children a neutral way to learn about food.
Create a Routine
Sometimes, picky eating can be tied back to a lack of routine. If your little one is a grazer, they may not be hungry for dinner at 5 PM if their last snack was at 4 PM. Not only are they not hungry, but they’re less willing to try a new food. Establishing a consistent routine around meals and snacks helps children feel more secure and allows them to listen to those important hunger cues.
Things to Avoid with Picky Eaters
Don’t Force or Pressure Them to Eat
It’s tempting to say, “Just take one bite!” or “You need to eat all your vegetables before dessert.” However, pressuring children to eat often backfires. Forcing or bribing your child to eat teaches them to ignore their internal hunger cues and that certain foods are on a pedestal. Instead, continue offering foods in a low-pressure way. Research shows that children are more likely to accept new foods when they feel in control of their choices.
Don’t Label Foods
Children pick up on the language we use around food, so it’s important to avoid labeling foods as “healthy” or “junk” or calling a child “a picky eater.” Labels create unintentional judgments and reinforce the idea that some foods (or some children!) are inherently good or bad. This can lead to guilt or shame around eating. Instead, use neutral language and describe what you love about different food — whether it’s the crunch of an apple or the creamy texture of peanut butter.
Don’t Make Separate Meals for Your Child
When your child refuses the meal you’ve prepared, it can be tempting to make something you know they’ll eat. But cooking separate meals can limit their willingness to try new foods. Instead, offer a variety of food at each meal and always include at least one safe food you know they enjoy. Eating together and serving family-style meals (where every can help themselves) are great ways to help your child feel more comfortable with food.
Don’t Use Food as a Reward or Punishment
It’s common to hear things like, “If you finish your dinner, you can have dessert,” but this creates a hierarchy where dessert is the reward. Using food as a reward or taking it away as a punishment can create an unhealthy relationship with certain foods. Instead, serve dessert alongside their meal. Will your child eat that first? Probably. But rest assured they will also eat the other food, too!
Don’t Express Disappointment or Frustration
Children are highly attuned to their caregivers’ emotions, and they can sense when you’re feeling frustrated or disappointed. Statements like, “I worked so hard on this meal!” or “You never eat what I make!” can unintentionally put pressure on kids and make mealtimes feel tense. Instead, try to stay neutral and positive. If they’re not eating a particular food, offer empathy and say something like, “I see you’re not feeling up to trying the carrots today. That’s okay. We’ll try again another time.”
When Picky Eating May Be Signs of Something Else
While most picky eating resolves around age 4, there are times when it can last longer than expected. Children with sensory processing disorder, autism and ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) may have a tough time with eating. You will want to talk to your child’s pediatrician about picky eating if your child:
- Experiences emotional distress during mealtime
- Isn’t gaining weight or is losing it
- Eats fewer than 20 foods
- Has strong reactions to texture, taste or smell
- Develops aversions to foods they used to love
Approaching Mealtimes with Compassion
Picky eating doesn’t last forever, and with a little patience and creativity, you can help your child expand their palate over time. By creating playful food experiences, offering low-pressure exposure and trusting your child’s hunger cues, you’re setting the stage for them to become a more adventurous eater. Approach mealtimes with curiosity and connection and remember, it’s not about getting them to love everything today, but about cultivating a lifelong, healthy relationship with food.
